Recently, with all the changes that have been happening in our lives during our digital nomad launch I’ve had quite a few days that have felt jam packed. Perhaps surprising to some of you, it’s the time while Pumpkin is napping that I can feel my blood pressure and adrenaline rise because those are my primary windows to “get stuff done” without baby-related interruptions.
I have these very short (and somewhat unpredictable) windows to focus and make work happen before going back to the mom routine, which means that a LOT can get packed into those times. Which is all the more reason why this feels like a great time to both review and share with you another excerpt from my book Inspired Action: Create More Purpose, Productivity, and Peace in Your Life.
What follows is Chapter 44: Leaving Space for Flow, which focuses on ensuring that in the midst of our daily pressures and schedules we avoid packing too much in and leave some space for the flow of energy, attention, and for the unexpected to arise.
It’s a different approach to scheduling than for most of us as we try to cram meetings and actions into every tiny, free window, but it can definitely help take that feeling of living on adrenalin 24/7 down a couple notches (and both your mind and your body will thank you for that.)
Have you ever thought about the water flowing in a river or creek? There’s a creek that we can hear from the back porch of our new home in New York, which makes this metaphor feel very apt. The water in a river doesn’t always pour and pound downstream. Sometimes it pools, eddies, gently trickles its way toward the ocean. The flow of our energy can be the same. We needn’t simply have two gears: full throttle and asleep. There’s a whole range of flowing options in between, and we can become masters of them all!
Here’s the excerpt from Inspired Action to help you consider how to do this in your life…
Leaving Space for Flow
Can you remember the last time when you had a completely unscheduled day? You may have had a few things that you wanted to attend to during the time, but they could happen at your own discretion and when the energy was flowing right for you. Some of our best work happens when we allow ourselves the space for flow and inspiration in our days. Our best work also improves when we manage our personal pace and ensure we have space to rest throughout our days.
The demands on our time and attention today are persistent and never-ending. There is always more information to listen to, read, or learn. We keep a long master list of actions that we want to do—and those are only the ones we’ve thought of and captured so far. And, of course, there are the people and relationships that need our attention, encouragement, and nurturing. There is, and always will be, more to add to your plate, but I’m going to make a somewhat shocking assertion: you still have control over the pace of your life. I know, you may be scoffing now: “Tell that to my boss” or “Tell that to my eight-year-old.”
The fact is that the pace of our lives comes down to two specific elements:
- How many things we say yes to
- How much space we leave for flow in our daily schedules
Surprisingly enough, both of these elements are connected to or primarily dependent upon your own decisions. Now, to address the scoffing crowd, I will acknowledge that some of the things you sign up for are a package deal. For example, some careers are, by their nature, high adrenalin, time driven, and fast paced; action must happen immediately as it arises. Wall Street stock trading and ER medicine are two careers that come to mind. However, if that is your profession, then you likely knew about the unique lifestyle going in—and if that lifestyle isn’t working for you now, then you have a big decision to make.
I’m sure that a few other careers are tense and high paced, but many of them feel that way because we make them so. We have created and bought in to the assumption that everything must be tense or fast paced. Why? Three reasons. First, many of us like to show that we know how to perform under pressure. Second, we want others to see us as the “go-to” guy who can take care of anyone’s problems. Third, we simply like to be able to say yes to people when they ask us for things—even if what they ask for is virtually impossible.
In some companies this assumption is cultural and systemic. However, those companies often chew through their employees and have miserable retention rates because they have created an unsustainable lifestyle. If this describes the company you work for, then you have two options: 1) raise the issue to management and try to create and encourage systemic change, or 2) look for a new place to work. If you are a leader at such a company, then you have the same two options—with the added responsibility of recognizing that your willingness to push hard on this issue might benefit not only your own life and sanity, but also the lives of hundreds or thousands of your colleagues who are similarly struggling.
The core point is that the pace of your life depends largely on your own decisions: your decisions to stay or go in a particular career or job, your decisions to push for a positive change or live with a struggling status quo, and your decisions to say yes or no to that new project when your plate is already full.
When it comes to parenting, obviously, you signed up for the ride, and you can’t look for an available exit. However, if you feel like you’re zooming from baseball practice to ballet to tutoring to dinner to bed, then your kids probably feel the same way. The current generation of children is growing up with a persistent experience of being over-scheduled. We want to give our children everything—all the opportunities and experiences that will provide them with the “well-rounded” life that will get them into a good college. All I can say is “Oy! Too much!”
You are the parent. The choices are yours to make, and part of parenting is creating appropriate limits. Whether it’s limits on scoops of ice cream or on the number of after-school activities that can happen in a given season, it’s both your opportunity and responsibility to care for your children’s energy management as much as you care for your own.
Saying Yes to Less
This lesson of saying yes to less has been hard fought in my own life because there are so many exciting ideas and activities that spark my curiosity. Keeping my commitments reasonable is an ongoing practice that needs constant attention. The desires drawing me to pack my world with new projects, tasks, and other commitments are many: to learn new things that contribute to my self-growth, to have new experiences, to support and connect with the people I care for, to build new relationships in my life, and to support and encourage the organizations and communities that have nourished me.
The urge to say yes can also come from a sense of obligation, expectation, or fear of “letting people down.” We use these reasons to justify saying yes yet again, but all of them—both the noble reasons and the disempowering ones—distract us from the essential question: what am I sacrificing by saying yes to this?
Time, energy, focus, and peace of mind are not infinite commodities. We have only so much of each of them during our journey through life. So, when you commit any or all of these resources to a new activity, you are inherently reducing your availability for your previous commitments. In other words, don’t say yes lightly. Consider and evaluate the commitment you are making. How much of your time is the commitment going to require? How much mental, emotional, and physical energy will be required? What might you be sacrificing if you add this to your life? It’s easy to consider only the benefits of saying yes while ignoring the possible costs, but the reality is that every new yes has both: benefits and costs.
My client Heather faced this exact challenge. For several years she had been the chairperson for the regional breast-cancer awareness gala. This charity was close to her heart because of family struggles with the disease. Year after year she had recommitted to the responsibility, and it was a big one: hundreds of people impacted, months of advance planning, and several weekly hours of work. Then an opportunity in her regular job arose: a huge promotion to chief of staff for one of the senior executives of this global corporation. This brought her into my world because I had been working directly with that executive for several months.
During our first meeting, Heather shared her concerns about what was on her plate: the much higher level of responsibility in this new role and her preexisting commitment to the gala. It became clear that while she was thrilled to accept this new position, she needed to make a graceful exit from her role as chairperson for the gala—a role that was too important to do poorly. So, after brainstorming options for next steps, she found her answer: to shift her gala responsibilities to someone whom she could mentor for a year before handing over the full position. Saying yes to the promotion meant saying no to chairing the gala, but Heather was able to recognize that decision relatively quickly and hand off the gala gently to create more space in her life.
Have you already said yes to too many things? If so, perhaps it’s time to take some corrective actions. Two options can immediately improve your situation:
- If the end is in sight, then focus and get it done. Close the open loop, finish the project, and hand off responsibility for any future tasks or projects to someone else.
- Formally “decommit” from the responsibility. If it involves other people, then you will have to consult with them, ask permission, and take the necessary steps to transfer the work to someone else as Heather did.
Either way, it’s time to clear the decks and create some more space for flow in your life.
Scheduling Space for Flow
Overcommitment clogs our minds and spirits, but it really starts showing up and hitting hard when it clogs our days, and we feel like we are in an all-out sprint from one urgent, mandatory action to the next, with no time to eat or breathe. When these happen only occasionally—like on the day before a vacation, when you close dozens of open loops—then they can feel good and productive. But when most of your days are filled with a sense of urgency, you’ve got a problem on your hands.
We need space and downtime in our days. Having that space allows us to respond appropriately, without panic or scrambling, to the unexpected or emergent issues that appear during each day. In addition, the space simply allows us to breathe and to be more present to each of the actions we take because we have had time to make transitions in focus (see Chapter 43: Transition Rituals). Either way, multiple strategies can help you protect your space for flow.
Here are a few suggestions:
- Create a rhythm to your days. Plug your meal and break times in to your schedule first. Then plan your meetings, tasks, and activities around the breaks. (See Chapters 14 and 15 of Inspired Action for more ideas on life rhythm.)
- Define your limits. Find a pace that works for you. I rarely schedule more than three meetings or other time-sensitive activities in a day. That gives me space around those activities for smaller tasks (emailing, phone calls, and so on) or just eating, resting, and preparing for the next task. I know some of my executive consulting clients would never limit themselves to three meetings per day; just come up with a rhythm that works for you. If your meetings are short, then maybe you could have four to six 30-minute meetings per day. Then you’ll book only three to four hours of your day, thus allowing sufficient space for breathing, thinking, and other creative work.
- Schedule in-house days. Choose one day every week or two when you don’t leave your home or office for outside meetings and activities. Just removing travel time can bring a lot of space for flow back into your day.
- Block out creative, retreat, or clear-the-decks days. Perhaps there’s a big project that’s going to need a lot of your creative energy, or you need to do some big-think strategic work on an upcoming challenge or initiative. At times like these, block a whole day in your schedule to create the space for that creative or reflective work to flow. Similarly, if you start feeling behind or underwater, or you’re just returning from a trip, then block out a day to get back up to speed. (Again, for any frighteningly fast-paced executives, try blocking at least a half day if a full day seems inconceivable.)
Appreciating Downtime
One of the most frightening aspects of life today is the widespread assumption that if we’re resting, then we’re not being productive. The presumption that we have two gears—on and off—is killing our lives and hearts one day at a time. Downtime is productive. It creates and recuperates the energy necessary for the next burst of activity. It is our low gear that prepares us to take the next hill. Many of us have a little chatterbox tape in our heads that berates us for sitting down when we could be doing something. It’s time to rip out that tape and create a new recording.
If your chatterbox tape starts going off each time you pause to rest, then here’s your magic strategy for shutting it up. First, take a deep breath and drop your shoulders. Then tell the chatterbox, “Thank you for sharing” and take another breath. If that doesn’t quiet it down, pull out the big guns and repeat to yourself, “Taking care of me is my priority right now. I deserve a break, and I’ll be ready for that after I’m done resting.” Show your chatterbox mind who’s boss!
If your chatterbox mind can’t handle unstructured downtime, then set a timer. Perhaps start with three minutes and build it up over time. I recommend aiming for a 15-minute break for every 90 minutes of focused action. So, if you were just in a three-hour meeting, then you’ll want a 30-minute break afterward.
Protect your downtime like a tiger until you can comfortably sink into it and float around on it as if you’re floating on the pool raft from your last vacation.
Next Actions
- Get clear on your current commitments. If you’ve already created your master list (see Chapter 24 of Inspired Action for more details), then pull it out and review it. If not, then brainstorm all the major projects and activities currently on your plate. What are the essential items on your list? What can wait for another time? Postponing action on some projects will increase your focus and power, and it might mean that you reach the finish line on some projects sooner rather than pushing forward haphazardly in 20 different directions.
- Create a daily structure that allows for flow and downtime. Block breaks, and especially meal times, into your calendar, and plan around them. If necessary, set alarms on your computer or smartphone to help you remember to wrap up and take your break as planned.
- Ask for help. Team up with a co-worker, friend, or family member and take a break or a walk together. Having a partner can help you guarantee that you get that time away from the grind. Just make sure that it is genuine downtime, not another excuse for a meeting!
- Practice breathing or try meditating during your downtime. Part of the goal is to increase your mental and emotional clarity, and few contribute more to that outcome than breathing and meditating.
If this taste of the 50 short, actionable chapters from Inspired Action has given you a desire to learn some more, then make sure that you pick up a copy of the book today.
Click the image below to learn more and find a copy via Amazon, Kindle, or your favorite online bookseller.
