“Your life mirrors the quality of the questions you ask. They determine what you perceive, attract, and materialize in a universe of infinite possibility.” – Niurka
If there were one insight or teaching which I have seen consistently impact and improve the lives of everyone who integrates it, that would be empowering questions. Since being introduced to this teaching by Niurka in 2012, I have felt clearly how asking better questions has improved my own life. I’ve also seen the impact that empowering questions can have on my clients, family members, and friends.
What are Empowering Questions?
They are questions that move you forward. They help you to see new resources, options, and possibilities for your life. They energize you to find solutions, rather than dwell on problems.
Let me give you an example. Let’s say you’ve got a problem that’s been showing up in your life… maybe procrastination. How you think about that problem and the questions you ask yourself may determine how long it continues to impact you.
For instance, what if you asked yourself: Why do I always procrastinate? – What are the kind of answers that your mind is likely to churn up? “Because I’m lazy…” “Because I hate this job…” “Because I’m always too tired…” etc…
Rather a downer, right? Ick, I feel worse just typing those answers. OK, so then what might be some better questions to ask?
* What specifically can I do today to move this project forward?
* How can I use my systems and skills more effectively to take action consistently?
* How can I take better care of myself so I have the energy to work on the important (and not just the urgent) stuff?
* What could I do differently this week to give even more time to what’s important to me?
* Who do I know that takes action consistently and decisively, and what specifically can I model about their behavior to integrate these skills more effectively myself?
Can you feel the difference? These questions focus your mind on creating new solutions and finding new resources rather than just self-flagellating around the problem. Big difference, right?
These questions empower you to take action and find solutions. They allow you to focus on becoming even more effective rather than dwelling constantly on problems.
The Formula for Empowering Questions
As Niurka teaches in her courses and her book Supreme Influence, there are three components to crafting an effective empowering question.
1) State your question in the positive/affirmative – In other words, focus on what you’re moving toward rather than what you’re moving away from. Notice that the word “procrastination” did not appear in any of my empowering examples above. Instead the questions focused on its opposite, which is “taking action consistently or effectively.” If procrastination has been showing up in your life, that’s usually defined as a lack of consistent action. Rather than focus on what’s missing, we flip it around to get curious about what you’d rather have: consistent, effective action.
2) Start your questions with What, How, or Who – These three types of questions are more likely to get you useful, empowering insights than asking “why” questions. “What” will get you content, new ideas, or options. “How” will get you process or action steps. “Who” will help you identify resources of others who can help you. Now, as I’ve said many times in the past, I love to ask “why,” but it can be a tricky question. You can use it to illuminate core values like “why is this important to me?” But, more often it trips us up into disempowering analysis paralysis… “why does this always happen to me?” That’s why it’s better to skip it as you’re learning this technique.
3) Create velocity using even more, while, or right now – These are subtle words that can be added to questions to create momentum. Here’s an example, notice the difference between:
* How can I take consistent action?
* How can I take even more consistent action right now?
* How can I take even more consistent action right now while allowing everything to flow easily and naturally?
Makes a big difference, right? “Even more” creates a presupposition that you are already doing this so you’re just turning up the volume on it. “Right now” creates a sense of immediacy and urgency that is motivating. “While” allows you to clarify or set intentions that can keep what matters to you in focus.
How about a different example: How can I make even more healthy choices about what I eat right now while enjoying every bite I put in my mouth? – Pretty powerful question, huh?
Empowering Questions and Leadership
The place to start is always with yourself, and as you begin to practice asking yourself more empowering questions you will find that it becomes a natural action to start asking them of others. I talk about this in a bit more depth and offer a few stories in Chapter 34 of my book Inspired Action.
These questions have become a cornerstone of my work with clients as they help my clients to become even more focused and effective in their daily lives. And, after using them so consistently for several years, I definitely catch myself using them in casual conversation with my friends and family. (Occasionally, I have to stop myself before I go to far into “coach mode” with someone who’s not looking for that … one danger to watch for in using these questions with others.)
However, usually the response I get is “Wow, that’s a really good question,” which inspires the person to think a bit more deeply to find a good answer. I find that using empowering questions is particularly effective when you’re in a leadership or mentoring role because rather than just giving your team member your answers you can allow them to learn more effectively and sometimes create brand new solutions by asking a good empowering question instead.
Next Actions
Grab a piece of paper and try writing 5-10 empowering questions for yourself right now. They could be about whatever topic or challenge has been showing up in your life recently: finances, health, productivity, life’s purpose, relationships, etc. Feel free to post them in the comments below or share them on social media with #PowerQuestions so that others can help cheer you on or maybe even suggest resources or answers you hadn’t yet considered!
When I was first learning empowering questions I turned it into a daily practice to write at least one question in my journal each day. It helped me to become more confident and effective in crafting them, and allowed me to more easily master creating them on the fly during conversations with my clients or others. So, you might consider adding them as a daily practice to your life too.
For more about empowering questions, and many other topics to improve your mindset and effectiveness, pick up a copy of my book Inspired Action.
