Have you ever reached that point when you’re looking for a deeper sense of fulfillment with your life? You begin asking yourself when you wake up in the middle of the night… Is this what I’m supposed to be doing? Where is that sense of purpose in my life?
If you’ve had these late night conversations with yourself, (or maybe they’ve even turned into daylight conversations with people you care about,) then congratulations! You’re asking the big questions, and we only get answers to the questions we ask. Every great new innovation and creation started with someone’s question, and your road to a greater purpose has now begun!
Your subconscious and higher self would love to help you find new answers, but until your conscious mind and ego are willing to open up and start asking questions any answers would continue to land unheeded.
Start with Curiosity
If you’re feeling like there’s more out there that you are meant to do, or simply want to do… then start by getting curious. What might that “more” be? Daydream! Imagine! Brainstorm! Play out your options with enjoyment and abandon in your mind. Heck, you can even try some things out in real life. Do research, talk to people who already do the things you think you might enjoy. Learn what the lifestyle is really like. Before you strike out in a new direction there’s nothing like ensuring you are chasing a reality of your dream rather than a fantasy construct.
Primarily… as I say to my clients, embrace living in the question. It’s ok if a clear and compelling answer hasn’t fully arrived yet. We only get answers to the questions we ask, so just stay open and curious. Some part of you knows the answer. It’s just not a conscious answer yet, and that might feel a little uncomfortable. Like when the teacher in school asked you a question and you didn’t know how to respond. However, this isn’t being graded, and curiosity will always guide you to your answer in time.
Ask Empowering Questions
When you’ve gotten comfortable with the uncertain space of simply living in the question, then the next step is to start asking even better questions… questions that move you forward.
I learned the structure of empowering questions from one of my favorite teachers and transformational leaders, Niurka, and the intention is to craft questions that by their very nature presuppose an empowering answer.
So, here are the three criteria of an Empowering Question:
1. State questions in the positive/affirmative. You want to ignite your passion to move toward something rather than simply pushing away from something unwanted. How much better does it feel to ask, “What can I do today to be even more healthy?” instead of “What can I do to not be such a lazy bum today?” Your subconscious mind won’t hear the not in that sentence; it will pay attention to being a “lazy bum” instead of grasping the outcome your aiming for. Another example: “What can I do to be well prepared for the big meeting?” instead of “How can I not procrastinate as I get ready for the big meeting?” Or in the context of asking the big questions “What could I do each day that would allow me to be filled with joy while being of service to others with my gifts?” Isn’t that a much better question than “How can I leave this miserable job?”
2. Start with How, What, or Who. Most empowering questions begin with these words rather than with Why. While you know that I’m a fan of knowing your “why,” Why questions can get you into a mire of self-pity and self-deprecation—“Why is this happening to me?” “Why do I always . . . ?” Questions that begin with How and What are likely to lead you forward—to identify a process or action you can take: “What can I do today to improve my communication with my spouse?” “How can I make the healthiest choice in this moment?” Who questions help you identify others who can help you: “Who can help me learn more about this potential career path?”
3. Create velocity using even more, while, or right now. This subtle distinction can be exceptionally powerful. Notice the difference between saying, “How can I get focused on this project?” versus “How can I get even more focused on this project right now?” There’s a sense of momentum, immediacy, and even urgency that calls your energy forward to find the answer quickly. Similarly, notice the difference between asking, “How can I be healthy and fit?” versus “How can I be even more healthy and fit while having fun?” I find the second question far more motivating. Don’t you?
So, if you’re ready to move beyond just living in the question and upgrade your questions to find passionately empowering answers, then practice asking these types of questions. In fact, I would challenge you to write one empowering question for yourself in the comments below and declare yourself open to the search.
While I was learning this technique I often ended my journal entry each day with one empowering question that was relevant to what was happening in my life. So, you might adopt that as a similar practice for yourself. If you ask yourself an empowering question each day it may dramatically change the shape of your life because our actions are guided by the questions we ask ourselves each day.
Dowsing for Joy
My final suggestion for you as a purpose seeker is to “dowse for joy.” If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of dowsing it was an old practice in which a particularly attentive and intuitive member of the community would walk the land with a dowsing stick or rods attuning him or herself to the energy of water, and when the stick turned down or the rods crossed then that’s where you would dig for your well.
Dowsing for joy encourages you to seek both within and outside for the activities that have brought you joy in your life and use those moments as a clue to dig further. Reflect on your past and present for the earmarks of joy and get curious about those activities and times. What specifically was it that you were enjoying about those events? When you identify an event, then go beyond the surface answers and ask repeatedly “what else did I enjoy about that?” You might want to write down your answers and repeat the process with several different joy-filled events so that you illuminate any patterns. The heart of it might not be a specific activity but how that activity made you feel.
I have found that for some people, clarity of purpose will come like a bolt from the blue, a sudden sense of calling. Or it might feel like the gentle pull of gravity, as if a zip line were pulling you straight toward your purpose. It might be a subtle shift in that sense of rightness as you reflect on your joyful moments that serves as your road marker on your path to purpose. It may come to you in an instant or evolve in your awareness over several months, but whenever it comes will be the perfect time for you. Trust the process, stay curious, and keep asking the big questions!
Next steps
Remember to share your empowering question in the comments below. I have several chapters about discovering purpose in my upcoming book, Meaning and Method: Create More Purpose, Productivity, and Peace in Your Life. Details coming soon.
Great article Erin ! I’m going to adopt your suggestion to apply an empowering question to my daily journaling . Thanks 🙂
Great Carleen! I know you’ll love it. It’s a really powerful practice :).