A few weeks ago, I shared a post called Beyond the Bucket List that explored creating two lists, a Life List and a Lifestyle List, to guide how you envision and craft your life. Today, I want to offer a few thoughts that might ring some people’s bells.
Do you have a life list, bucket list, or any place that you’ve captured your dreams for your life? If you do (or if you have yet to create yours), then let’s talk for a few moments about alignment.
I’ve recently been re-watching the series Royal Pains. (If you’re not familiar it’s a great character show about a guy who gets fired from his ER hospital job in New York and becomes the MacGyver of medicine as a concierge doctor in the Hamptons.) One of the minor plot lines that shows up in an early season involves a key character, Divya, who finds herself on the road to an arranged marriage and struggles with telling her family that their vision for her life might be different from her own. The story raises the core question: Are you living your life or someone else’s?
The Voices of Loved Ones
While many of us don’t live in cultures where arranged marriages are common, we often do still struggle with the burden of someone else’s expectations or feel the need to curry someone else’s approval for our lives.
In fact, I was having a related conversation with one of my clients recently who was feeling challenged to make a major decision about her career. All the voices of her loved ones are offering their opinions about her choices and what is or is not possible for her future. However, their voices were distracting and drowning out her own inner intuition about what she wanted.
It’s no one’s fault. Our loved ones want to help and protect us. Sometimes we see someone we love doing something that scares us, seems dangerous, or foolish, and we offer our opinions and concerns. However, their road isn’t our road, and just because something is scary or daunting doesn’t mean it can’t be done or isn’t an essential part of their journey.
So when you’re on the receiving end of such statements, questions, and concerns… how to handle them? Recognize that they’re coming from a place of love. Honor the intention of the person to care for and “protect” you from something that’s unknown or scares them. Then, don’t get caught in their beliefs and fears.
Your Heart Knows What to Do
Some of us have forgotten that the wisdom of our hearts is so much greater than the wisdom of our minds. Our loved ones project and share their concerns or fears, and those thoughts start spinning around in our minds. But, our mind rarely has the answer to the important decisions (or even the minor choices) of our lives.
Your heart, your intuitive wisdom, your subconscious or higher conscious mind (whatever you prefer to call it)… that’s where you’ll find answers. However, we might need some practice tapping into the wisdom of this deeper part of ourselves. If you’re out of the habit of checking with your heart, then you might want to try this practice of the Heart Alignment Check.
When you have a decision in front of you, about your career, your relationships, or any area of your life. Once a day (maybe first thing in the morning or last thing at night), just pause, take a breath, and ask yourself “What would my heart choose today?” DON’T THINK about it, just allow whatever answer comes first to arise in your awareness.
Even better, keep a little log and repeat this practice every day for a few days or even a couple weeks for the really big decisions. Write down the answer you receive each day, and just notice how you feel when the answer arises. With this practice there’s no need to process, weigh tons of pros and cons, or get caught in analysis paralysis. It’s highly likely that after repeating this practice for several days or a couple weeks you will see a pattern of one answer arising frequently.
Trust your heart… this is its decision. Commit to it, and move forward. Let go of listening to outside voices and opinions constantly; follow your heart’s wisdom.
Your Heart’s Wisdom & Your Life List
So, how does this apply to your life list or lifestyle list? Sometimes we realize that items have been put on our life list because someone else thought they were cool, important, or amazing experiences.
You can get some great practice with this Heart Alignment Check by reviewing your life list and confirming that these really are your desires and dreams not something absorbed or internalized from someone else.
Am I creating the best version of my life? Is this the vision that I want? The Heart Alignment Check practice can help you ensure that you don’t waste your time and energy trying to fulfill someone else’s bucket list of dreams for you.
Next Actions
Give the Heart Alignment Check a whirl. Heck, you can even use it to help you decide what you want to order for lunch today :).
Give yourself permission to lovingly let go of everyone else’s opinions about your life and follow your own heart. Your heart will show you the way.
