Have you had an area of your life that seems to constantly have roller-coaster results? Some wins, some losses and a lot of anxiety in between, and you feel like you’re never getting very far? If this has been your experience in the past around any specific goal or outcome, then you’ll want to keep reading.
Today, I want to explore the topic of motivation, and in particular how this one key aspect of motivation can impact your real-life results dramatically. First, let me tell you a story…
There was a woman I met at an event a few years ago. We’ll call her Daphne. Daphne had struggled with wanting to lose weight for several years. She would join a diet program, make some headway for a few months, then when she “achieved” her goal weight she would lapse right back into her old “comfort” habits, and her weight would start spiraling upwards again.
When she started feeling uncomfortable in her pants, and had to start pulling out her “fat pants” again (you know, what I’m talking about… those pants that you keep in your drawer that are 1-2 sizes too big?) then she’d start feeling frustrated, depressed, and try to get up the motivation to find a new diet program. Maybe this new one would “work!”
Now, when I met Daphne, she looked trim and healthy, and she said that the change had happened 2 years ago, so of course I asked her what had made the difference. What did she say?
“I stopped focusing on the fear of my “fat pants” and started focusing on my desire to be healthy.” In other words, she changed the core motivation for her daily choices.
It wasn’t about avoiding her fat pants or trying to “lose” the weight. Rather, she started asking a different question, “What’s the healthiest choice I can make right now?” She focused directly on her desire to feel and be healthy. She made that her core motivation and decision-making criteria, and that switch ended her roller-coaster results with her weight.
Moving Away Motivation
This pattern can show up in any area of our lives: finances, work, relationships, health. At the core is what Neuro-Linguistic Programming experts call a meta-program. Meta-programs are like the operating system for our decision-making. They are what drive us to focus our attention in certain places, ask certain questions, and make certain choices.
The meta-program we see in Daphne’s story is shifting from “Moving Away From” to “Moving Toward” motivation.
When we’re moving away from something due to fear, guilt, anger, or any other disempowering emotion, we often create roller-coaster results. Why? Because as we get closer to the outcome we fear we get motivated to start taking action. We’ll push off from it, and start kicking in gear to create change. And those efforts will succeed… to a point. We create some space, and our fear will lessen. Which then leads us to slack off from the actions that we took that led to the change.
Relatively soon, we’ll start sinking back toward that thing we fear again. Until it starts feeling scary again… Up and down, up and down, over months, years, even decades. That’s what I mean by “roller-coaster results.”
If we’re being driven by “moving away,” then this pattern is likely to continue perpetually. So, what’s the alternative?
Moving Towards Motivation
We start by creating a vision that pulls us toward it. Sometimes this can feel challenging.
I can remember meeting with new clients when I was a professional organizer. I would step into one of their cluttered rooms, and always I would ask the question “How would you like this space to feel and be instead?” Often all the client could say was “less cluttered.”
They were functioning purely from wanting to “move away” from the clutter which was causing them pain and frustration. So, I would coach them to find a “moving toward” alternative: “So, you’d like it to feel more open and clear?” We would talk about what would be possible in the space when that was true. What would they be able to do here when that happened?
If we could hit on a “moving toward” alternative that sparked some energy and excitement, those were often the most successful clients who were able to create and maintain their new space consistently.
The “moving toward” vision needs to have some emotion behind it. You want to know why having that outcome matters to you. How can you making that vision even more magnetic? If you haven’t heard me talk about Vivid Future Accomplishments (VFAs), then you’ll want to take a look at this video or this article. As a friend recently reminded me about one of my own goals… don’t just see what that outcome will be like… FEEL IT! Charge it with emotion, make it vivid and real, and keep it in focus consistently.
That’s how you uninstall the old operating system and load in the new one. The emotion is what allows you to flip your magnet to pull you toward the vision of what you want rather than constantly pushing off from the outcome you fear.
Next Actions
Think about your own life… is there an area that you’ve had frequent roller-coaster results? Then, maybe it’s time to take a look at your motivation. Are you moving away from something you fear, feel guilty about, or feel anger toward? Is there a specific outcome you’re trying to avoid? Then, perhaps you’re ready to change that pattern and create a new VFA that can pull you toward it.
I love working with clients to make these changes during my Clarity Creation Intensives. These Intensives are powerful days where I help you create a clear vision for your future. We make it vivid and bring it to life for you. And, we help you to easily and naturally dissolve some of the old disempowering emotions that have been driving your decision-making and actions in the past while installing new more empowering strategies for your future.
If you’d like to learn more about booking a Clarity Creation Intensive, then you can see some of the upcoming locations available here, and apply for a Strategy Session for us to connect and explore the possibilities further.
Image used under License Agreement: ©Rostislav Glinsky / Stockfresh
