Most of us have a really funny relationship with our To-do list. That kinda love-hate frustration of “more stuff to do”. Some folks even actively hate all To-do lists because they would rather not be reminded of it all.
It a mental game that we’ve created for ourselves in which “having stuff to do” is bad and “getting stuff done” is good. Here’s the problem… There’s always more to do. It’s called life! There will never be a magical day on which never again will there be stuff to do (and if there were that would be a concern because you’d probably be dead.)
A few years ago I had a chat about to-do lists with my mother, who’s retired. For a long time, she kept telling me that she didn’t need a to-do list. “I’m retired. I don’t really have much to do.” Then, we’d start digging into her paperwork drawer and come out with a big pile of actions that were waiting for her attention. Some were important financial and legal stuff. Others were just interesting or fun ideas, or something she wanted to send to a friend.
Now, she’s always been good at staying on top of the most important and urgent stuff, which is why she could get away without a list for so long. But, finally, there came the day when I convinced her to try using a Master List for her tasks to help her remember and prioritize things.
We used the Reminders app on her iPhone which she already carried everywhere, and we setup lists for Today, Soon, Later, and Maybe Someday. She could then access her lists from her phone or her Mac laptop and easily add and check stuff off.
We went through her paperwork drawer and wandered around her house capturing all the little tasks that were just floating around in her space, or her mind.
Like most of my clients, when they first see it all written down, I think she had a moment of shock at how much she really did have on her plate. But, she also could quickly see that most of them were more “want to” rather than “need to” kinds of items. That was when I started to see that three mindset shifts are essential for living peacefully with your To-do list.
Mindset Shift #1: If you have a To-do List on the day you die, that would be great.
As I said at the beginning, there are always more things to do. It’s called life, and if you’re very lucky… you’ll still have a To-do list on the day you die.
People often groan or cringe when I say that, but it’s true because having things that you want to do is a sign that you’ve stayed fully engaged with your life and mentally sharp all the way to the end.
I often think about my grandparents, two of whom have experienced dementia or alzheimer’s during the final years of their life. Their lack of ability to do anything other than simply be present in the moment seems like both blessing and curse.
My grandfather had almost 7 years at the end when he couldn’t even recognize his children. As one of his grandchildren, his memories of me were gone very early in the process. I’ve heard it called “the long goodbye,” and I certainly felt like I lost him long before he passed.
For my 95-year-old maternal grandmother, each day is a meditation on the squirrels outside her window, and the simple joy she gets in them is quite charming. However, her world has also shrunk dramatically. She isn’t even able to send the birthday cards to her children and grandchildren that she sent religiously throughout my youth.
While I know our family is grateful to still have her, and my own mother talks to her daily on the phone, I have to say for myself… it’s not the end that I would choose (not that I’m saying she had a choice.) I would suggest that still having things to do… even if it’s just sending a birthday card to someone you love… is a sign that you’ve stayed engaged with the world, and something to be desired.
It makes me grateful for my To-do list and for the many possibilities that I can choose to do today. Having such choices is a gift. While at times my life might feel full to bursting, I remember that I would rather be able to choose my course through life than have no options before me.
Mindset Shift #2: Your List isn’t a Slave Driver. It’s a Menu of Options.
It’s time to let go of this old concept that your To-do list is beating you into submission or a burden you have to bear. The weight of all the “have to”s is exhausting and unnecessary. What if you saw your To-do list like a Menu of Options? What might you decide to do today?
Or an even better metaphor might be to view your list like an amusement park map… what experience would you like to have today?
Are you up for the speed of the roller-coaster and all its thrills? Or maybe some bouncing around on the bumper cars? Or perhaps today just a slow, graceful ride on the carousel is in order.
It’s your choice. And, while not choosing to do certain things will have consequences for you… that is also your choice… to get the item done or take the consequences. (Like the taxes that will get my attention when I’m done writing this.)
It can be challenging at times to catch myself when I start saying “I need to get this done today,” and instead replace that with “ I want to” or “I choose to”. Still when I do make that adjustment it’s amazing how much better I feel about getting that task done. Even better, I’ve started saying “X is my top priority for today,” which brings with it the knowledge that I’ve chosen that task as my Inspired Action commitment.
Such a small shift in mental language brings a huge sense of freedom and choice, which I believe creates a dramatic shift in our relationship to our To-do lists. They can become a source of empowerment rather than struggle.
Mindset Shift #3: It’s not about getting it ALL done.
Just because you wrote it on your to-do list at some point doesn’t mean you’re committed to accomplishing it. There are many items on the menu that you might never choose to order.
I often hear people lamenting how long their list is, and how “I have so much I have to do today.” The first problem is that most people confuse their Master List with their Today List and exhaust themselves by trying to do everything… if that’s you, then you might want to read this.
However, a corollary to this issue is the belief that everything on the list must get done. Usually, when I tell people that there are probably over 300 items on my Master List they are horrified. I just shrug because I know that many of those items are for days in the future. After all, I don’t need to worry today (in April) about writing the blog posts for September or sending my brother’s birthday card in December. But, I do want to make sure to keep track of those items because they will be to me important later.
There are also a lot of tasks that hit my list because they sounded like a good idea at the time… watching that training video on social media strategy or building a scratching post for my cat from an old pair of jeans. Both great ideas, but over time we’ll see if they actually ever get to the top of the priority heap.
Some rides sounded like a good idea when you first considered them, but just didn’t call to you once you started considering what actually deserves your time, energy, and attention. That’s OK!
Capturing something on our lists doesn’t commit us to accomplishing it. Rather it gives us the opportunity to choose, to decide what’s most important today, to consider our priorities across a variety of options.
At least once a season I review my whole list and purge some things off it. They may have been sitting there for months or even years as “someday maybe” a good idea. Occasionally, I’ll be reviewing my Master List and discover that one of those items got done just by opportunity and chance… that’s great!
The point is that the length of the list isn’t a measure of how effective or productive you are (i.e. more tasks isn’t bad and less tasks isn’t good). Often when I see a client with a Master List that only has a dozen things on it I’m suspicious. Usually that means two possible things:
1) They haven’t really built their capture habit muscles yet and aren’t remembering to capture new things as they arise.
OR
2) These are 12 projects, not tasks, and we need to spend some time drilling down to the next actions to help things move forward and ensure they are making consistent progress.
When you have a long list it simply reflects how good you are at capturing tasks and possibilities for your future. So, embrace your long list, appreciate it, be grateful for it… and let go of the overwhelm. They’re just options! You get to decide what to do.
Next Actions
If you haven’t yet started your Master List, then you might be interested in requesting the free ebook I wrote outlining the best tools and steps to help you begin using a Master List in your life.
If you have your list begun… then, what will you choose to do right now? It’s your decision, what ride are you up for today?
Image used under License Agreement: ©Ivelin Radkov /Stockfresh
